Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
