My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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