That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
