its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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