East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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