I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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