can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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