And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
