Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
