i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
