it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like a drive thru vagina
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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