filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
