my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
