who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
