This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You took a bar mat shot.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
