This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
