She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
