Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
