U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Green mimosas i think yes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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