i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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