does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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