at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
