I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
