The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
