i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
