i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
