she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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