No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
