we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
