Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
