So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
