I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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