my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
