11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
