Only a mothe r could love this liver
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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