I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
