We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
