you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
