Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
