His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
