I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
