I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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