Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
