Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
