i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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