Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
