I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
