she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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