is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
