he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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