You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
