i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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