his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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